A Day in the Life of Dumbledore
by Prathdrake
Summary: This is a humorus little diddy of a story about what happened to Dumbledore one day.


A Day in The Life Of Dumbledore  
  
by Prathdrake  
  
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A/N: This story was written for no purpose whatsoever. I simply sat down one day and wrote it. Its a humorous little diddy of a story depicting Dumbledore's unusual day (the title gives it away).  
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Legal Stuff: All the characters in this story belong to her Highness JKR. I do not intend to make a profit off this story. It is for entertainment purposes only.  
  
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Our story begins in Dumbledore's bedroom. He is just waking up and notices a movement in his room.  
  
"Wh-Who's there?" he asked nervously  
  
"Me!" shouted Snape, triumphantly as he jumped out from behind Albus' wardrobe. He was wearing a nightgown(!/?) and rushed over to Albus. He then gave Albus a BIG hug. Dumbledore was stunned that Severus would do such a thing.  
  
"Severus!" exclaimed Dumbledore, "What are you doing here? And why did you.... .....hug me?  
  
"Happy, happy, joy, joy!" answered Snape, "Peace and LOVE is what turns the world.  
  
"What are you talking about? Just go down to the kitchen while I get dressed!" demanded Dumbledore. Snape did. And he listened as Snape ran to the kitchen. Shuffle, shuffle (the carpet). Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud (the stairs). Bang, crash, shatter (Snape bumping into the priceless Ming vase *Dumbledore shuddered*) And last, ssccrreeee (Snape stopping on the linoleum).  
  
****  
  
Dumbledore was now dressed and fixing Snape some black coffee (he presumed that Snape had been smoking something from Knockturn Alley). He gave the coffee to Snape.  
  
"Thanks," said Snape. He had regained some straightness and was talking normally again. He drank some and made a funny face. "This black coffee is a little more black than I remember, and it tastes funny.  
  
"Sorry," said Dumbledore, "I might have burned it a little bit." Just then McGonnagle came through the door. "Coffee?" offered Dumbledore .  
  
"No thanks. I don't like black"   
  
"Racist" muttered Snape. Obviously, he hadn't fully recovered.  
  
"So," started Dumbledore, "Why did you come here Minerva?  
  
"I wanted to show you my new Beatles record!" she said enthusiastically. She pointed her wand in the air. "Accio record player!"  
  
CRASH! A record player zoomed through the window and landed on the table. McGonnagle (without paying any heed to the broken window), put on the record and sat back. The record player started to sing 'Yellow Submarine'. The teachers all joined in.  
  
In the town where I was born  
Lived a man who sailed to sea  
And he told us of his life  
In the land of submarines  
  
So we sailed up to the sun  
Till we found the sea of green  
And we lived beneath the waves  
In our yellow submarine  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
  
And our friends are all on board  
Many more of them live next door  
And the band begins to play  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
  
As we live a life of ease  
Everyone of us has all we need  
Sky of blue and sea of green  
In our yellow submarine.  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
  
"Well, that was fun!"said Dumbledore. He looked at the clock. It was 7:43. "We'd better get to the school, we'll be late."   
  
Snape fainted. The pressure of being late, the effects of the drugs and the excitement of singing 'Yellow Submarine' was too much for him. So McGonnagle and Dumbledore carried him to school. On the way he woke up.  
  
"Why are you carrying me?" he asked.  
  
"You fainted," answered McGonnagle.  
  
"By the way," questioned Dumbledore, "What did happen to you last night?"  
  
"Well," started Snape, "I was walking in Knockturn Alley and this man in black came towards me and offered me some..."  
  
"Some what?" asked Dumbledore  
  
"Some.... ...pot. He said it would get my mind off things and he said that if I bought some in the next three minutes, I could get it for half of its sales value. At this point I'd do anything to get my mind off Potter so.... ...I smoked it. And boy did it work!" he said smiling. They were almost at the school.  
  
"How much, exactly, did you smoke?" asked McGonnagle.  
  
"Oh, a lot," said Snape, "I found that after the first ten, I couldn't count anymore." They were nearing the doors of the school now. A student, who was eavesdropping on them, ran out of the bushes.  
  
"Snape's high, Snape's high!" he yelled for the whole school to hear.  
  
"Oh, great!" said Snape, "Now I have to deal with this!" They entered the school. Dumbledore headed towards his office.  
  
"Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans; Earwax Flavor" said Dumbledore to the statue. It jumped aside licking its chops and rubbing its tummy.  
Dumbledore was a busy man that morning. He ordered 50,000 labels for the library books that said "Do Not Read". He signed a 500 galleon check for METMA (a waste of time) and another for ACHOO (a good use of time). He also shot three spitballs into his pensieve. They bounced off Lucius Malfoy. By the time he had done all of this, it was time for lunch (he was a slow worker). As he was making his way to the great hall, he smelled potatoes, gravy and beef.  
  
"Yum," he thought to himself as he entered the great hall. He sat down and the plate magically filled itself... ...with beans and hardtack.  
  
"That's strange," he thought to himself, "Beans and hartack only appear if theres no more of the actual meal left. We usually have enough to feed the whole school. I wonder what the matter could be." Dumbledore soon found the matter. A fat boy at the Hufflepuff table had stacked his plate 3 feet high. Prof. Dumbledore growled as he ate his leftover beans and hardtack.  
  
On his way back to his office, after lunch, Hermione confronted him for some advice.  
  
"Proffesor," she started, "Draco Malfoy said that I look fat and I'm taking it kind of seriously. I've decided that I'm going on a sugar-free diet. What foods are sugar-free?" Dumbledore thought of all the weird things that had happened today and decided to join the crowd. He obviously took advantage of the situation.  
  
"Cotton candy" replied Dumbledore, "Yes Hermione, cotton candy has no sugar and is good for you. On the other hand, carrots are so high in sugar, they will kill you. Hermoine, avoid those vegetables like the plague!"  
  
"Thank-you Proffesor!" she said as she walked away. Her curls bounced. Dumbledore walked back to his office. When he got to his office, he started to sing his favorite song.  
  
"Bye, bye, Miss American Pie! Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry! And there were some boys drinking whiskey and rye. Saying, 'This'll be the day that I die......"  
  
Professor Flitwick entered the room in a panic.  
  
"Dumbledore," he screamed, "What is that horrible screeching? Are you being attacked?" Dumbledore was as mad as a bull by a red cloth. Horrible screeching? Was he really that bad? The anger built up inside him. Finally he could take it no longer.   
  
"Get out!" he growled to Flitwick, in a low voice similar to those on a television commercial.   
  
"Y-yes sir," he stammered. He backed slowly out of the room with his fingers crossed in front of him. He closed the door quickly and ran like the wind. Dumbledore waited a few seconds after Flitwick left, then sat down. Suddenly he felt a bubbly feeling. He felt... ...flatulent! Obviously, it was the effects of the beans he had for lunch.  
  
"Hmm," he thought, "No one is around. Maybe I should just let 'er rip." He was about to cut the cheese, when Proffesor Binns walked in.  
"Bphrrt" went Dumbledore. Proffesor Binns gasped.  
  
"Well," he said embarrasedly, "I was wondering if you could tell my class what life was like in the late 1800's if you're not to, uh, busy." He snickered.  
  
"No, I'm not," said Dumbledore madly, "I'd be glad to." They both walked to the classroom. Proffesor Binns opened the door. They both entered the classroom. Dumbledore caught a glimpse of Hermione. She was eating some cotton candy.  
  
"Class," said Professor Binns, "Proffesor Dumbledore has come to talk to us about life in the 1800's. Pay Attention." Dumbledore then went on about the slip- ups of the M.O.M., the founders of Hogsmeade ( Mary Leavemealone and Horace Ithinkyoustink), and the witch-hunt. By this time, Hermione was on her fourth stick of candy. She hand a big smile on her face and her hand was shaking so that she could hardly get any of it into her mouth. Suddenly, she started dancing around the room, jumping on desks. For some reason, everyone thought this was a perfectly normal thing to do. Without warning, she ran out of the door and started singing in the hallway.  
  
"There was a farmer had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o  
B-I-N-G-O........."  
  
Dumbledore thought it was time to go now.  
  
"I can't believe I was so mean," he said, "I gave that poor girl sugar high." The annoying little boy, who started the rumor about Snape came out of hiding.  
  
"Hermione's high! Hermione's high!" he said as he ran down the hall. Dumbledore got back to his office and looked at the clock. Only two hours left until classes were over. During that time, Dumbledore ordered a pack of joints for Snape, settled an argument between Flitwick and Trelawny (whose boil was bigger?) and shot some more spitballs at the memory of Lucius  
  
****  
  
As Dumbledore was walking home, the annoying boy who spread the rumors threw a snowball at him. Dumbledore was fed up.  
  
"What is you're name, boy?" he asked. Then he realized what a stupid question that was. You'd have to be an IDIOT to get youself in trouble.  
  
"Troy Stevens," answered the boy. Obviously, he WAS an idiot. Dumbledore had a sudden idea.  
  
"Troy Stevens is high! Troy Stevens is high!" yelled Dumbledore for the whole school to hear. Then he ran home.  
****  
  
That night was very boring for Dumbledore. He had no books to read and his toys were taken away by the Saftey Assosiation of Wizards (his toys had sharp edges, parts a child could swallow and were coated in toxic lead paint). Dumbledore decided to end the boredom by going to bed early. After all, early to bed and early to rise, will make a man healthy and wealthy and wise.  
  
And as he went to bed that night, he reflected on that day.... ....And laughed himself to sleep.  
  
  
THE END  
  
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A/N: How was that? In other words, please review. I know the ending wasn't good, but I was tired. There's another disclaimer below.  
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Legal Stuff: The song, "Yellow Submarine" belongs to the Beatles. The song, "American Pie" belongs to Don Mclean 


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